A Solitary Blue by Cynthia Voigt

Author:Cynthia Voigt
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Atheneum Books for Young Readers
Published: 2001-03-24T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

When they sat across from one another at the little Formica kitchen table and Jeff had finished his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches and the Professor had brewed a mug of coffee, the Professor said, “I’m sorry, Jeff; you’re going to have to tell me about it. You’ve been different, and I don’t know what it is. I didn’t think it was drugs — I didn’t think you’d be that stupid — but people say it’s so hard to tell. . . . Look at me Jeff,” he said, making Jeff meet his eyes. “I don’t care about the schoolwork. I’m not angry, I’m frightened. Tell me what’s bothering you, and we’ll figure out the best way to handle it.”

“I’m OK,” Jeff told him. “There isn’t anything.”

“No, you’re not OK. I’m not much of a father, but I can see that. You’re not even really here, are you? You act as if you’re a hundred miles away. Where are you?”

“I’m sorry,” Jeff said.

The Professor sat back in his chair. He looked at the coffee in his mug. He moved his glasses back up his nose. His voice, when he spoke, was expressionless. “I thought myself, the way you’ve been acting, that it was probably Melody. I thought it had to have something to do with her. Judging from my own experience, I’ve been assuming that she told you, somehow, the way only Melody can, that she didn’t love you. And you thought she did.”

Jeff saw his own hands clench up into fists. His stomach too, was clenched. He started to talk, fast. “I’ll tell you where I was. The last day, I went over to a beach. The last full day. An island, one of the sea islands, uninhabited. I had a boat, I bought it. I’d never explored that far before, and I spent the night there. And — it was so beautiful. Nobody but me was there. I spent all day and all night and half the next day too. I have a sand dollar I found; it’s upstairs, I can show you.” He looked down at his fists. “I can remember it; I can go there, inside.”

“It wasn’t the worst time when Melody left me,” the Professor said. “The worst time was the years before. Because I didn’t know I could hate anybody that much, I didn’t know I could be that angry, I didn’t know what to do except concentrate on my work. I didn’t know anybody could hurt anybody else that much; it was like she’d stuck a sword into me, one of those Japanese samurai swords, do you know the kind I mean? Heavy and razor sharp — and curved — and she’d stuck it in me and then she was . . . pushing it around.” His hand rested on his stomach, remembering. “I couldn’t get free from the feelings. I didn’t know how frightened I could be, all the time. But whenever we had to go out together, she’d smile at me and

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